Nov/071
Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world.
Excuse the reference to the most cliched song of the past year, but it's the only way I can describe how I feel about a recent happening in my little world, which basically consists of me only going to places in a 5 block radius. One of those places is the grocery store across the street from my house, which despite my promises to make the trek to Trader Joe's because it is the most expensive grocery store in the universe I still go to, sometimes multiple times a day. Across the street will win over saving money any time.
So, the discovery is that a young gentleman who I had once blown off via Myspace was now, horror of horrors, working at this grocery store. He was someone I had communicated with because of a Craigslist personal ad (my chosen Internet poison of choice) way back in January, which was my first real month of living Post BreakUp and where the only man I needed to be interacting with was my computer. In other words, I was a total wreck and in absolutely no shape to be even considering going on a date. While he was very nice over the phone and we totally had stuff in common, I had a boy like freak out and wrote him a rejection email over the dreaded Myspace.
11 months later, fool is bagging groceries at the one place I frequent more than the karaoke bar. Thanks, world. When I stopped in today after an uncontrollable urge to make my own bagels, the store was so empty he ended up checking me out. In the grocery checking sense. In the other sense, he did not make any eye contact with me at all, instead choosing to stare at the empty space directly opposite me. I vow to never prepare my own bagels again. Isn't that what living in a big city is for, anyway?
Nov/071
On fatness and flame wars
I've always been, as my friend Laura would say, a chublet. Always. I never had a magical time of being thin. I am not one of those people who used to be skinny and then went on meds or started eating junk food or had something traumatic happen to them and then gained a bunch of weight. I have just always enjoyed eating and most of the people in my family are big. Even the skinny people in my family have big asses or big frames or turn 35 and find their metabolisms come to a grinding halt. I don't have a thyroid problem. I don't have an eating disorder (although, like most American women, I have had periods in my life where I have had disorderd eating). I am just fat. This is who I am.
So, I find it interesting when people decide to attack me on the Internet (and recently, this has happened to me, albeit "anonymously") and the biggest insult they can throw at me is that I am fat. Not - you are a a bad person and a bad writer and have a limited vocabulary and a drunk, instead - it is all: fat, fat, fat, fat. I literally have years and years of writing that I have vomited out onto the Internet with which you can craft a better attack and this is the best you can do? As if I thought I was anything but and as if this was the worst quality a person can have. What am I supposed to do with this insult? Delete all photographic evidence of me? Say yes, I am fat - I will begin a regimen of diet & exercise immediately, what do you recommend?
Fuck that. I will relish in these insults and appropriate them as my own. I have a gang, anyway. And there is no better defense than a solid sense of humor and Backup.
Nov/071
Real Talk
There are no words to describe this kind of brilliance. If I don't click on any YouTube links ever again, I will be a happy woman. I have reached my YouTube peak.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdaAWFoWr2c&rel=1]