Maria Diaz lady business. pop culture. whatever.

Day 3: My Dispatch from Crazy Town

As we all know, I love the Craigslist. You never know what you're going to get when you post on the CL and that to me, is part of the fun. And I can't knock it - I owe my life in San Francisco to Craig. I used to get my coffee from the same place that Craig Newmark does and I loved seeing him in the morning, reading the paper. Thank you Craig for housing, love, bad dates, furniture, and the occasional gems that make me happy Gmail has an archive function. Like, the following, inspired by Jezebel's brilliant Crap Email From A Dude

Now, I had corresponded with this person a handful of times over the course of one evening and he seemed cool, if not a little overly demonstrative. But hey, I am a woman and I love flattery. Bring it on. The following day, I was in my friend's car when I recieved the following dispatch straight from Crazy Town:

Anyway,

I am sorry I didnt have time last night to lavish you with all the
attention, praise and affection you so richly deserve. You strike me
as an intensely lovely and very interesting young lady, and I am not
going to lie: I want to meet you, and I would do ANYTHING if you would
only come over for dinner tonight!

No, I am not psycho nor am I looking for a so-called one-night stand'.
Rather, I am probably one of the tenderest, kindest, smartest and most
sincere gentleman a young lady could ever hope to encounter. And what
I offer is only the sweetest, most affectionate and purest affection
you can possibly imagine. (Ed. note: Orly?.)

So do me a favor: it is Sunday. I am beyond bored or lonely. I dont
just want, but I NEED some company, in the form of a woman who can
appreciate me for more tha just what my ex called me, ium 'magical you
know what', and who is willing to do more than just have sex, eat my
food and then leave until the next tie she is bored (Who said I wouldn't do that? I would call that my M.O.).

So, please, come over and let me feed and entertain you! You know, I
am embaressed to admit it, but I did post my own ad on CL not too long
ago. It read as follows:

...

So, let me ask you: Are you under the age of 31, reasonably
intelligent and articulate, and are you under 5'6" in height/130 lbs
in weight? (Yes, Yes, Yes and uh, No.)

(And here's where we go into the Pitch)

And if so, do you enjoy engaging in meaningful, in-depth conversation
on a myriad of subjects with a thoughtful, intelligent, articulate,
college-educated man who loves to talk, listens well and enjoys
expressing himself precisely and honestly? And would you appreciate
having such a man prepare and serve a delicious dinner made from
scratch, just for you? Over dinner, would you enjoy additional
excellent conversation about anything and everything? And what about
dessert? Could you dig it if a man prepared something very special,
again, just for you? And afterwards, when dessert was finished and the
dishes gathered an set in the sink, does the idea of receiving a
perfectly relaxing, hour-long back rub from a well-experienced man
(who knows what he is doing and actually cares very much for your
total well-being) sound appealing?

And finally, would you enjoy being kissed, caressed, cuddled with, snuggled, and made love to with only
the sweetest, most intense, fervent passion and affection you can
possibly imagine (oh yes - the kind of passion that comes from knowing someone through gmail for the grand total of 30 minutes? )

And then to fall asleep to the sound of my voice, your head on my shoulder, my arms wrapped securely around your soft
warm body, awaking in the morning to coffee and tea being prepared by me for us , and the smell of breakfast filling the air along with the sound of our voices as we engage in happy conversation.

If so, then perhaps it would please you to know that the kind of
perfectly satisfying evening as described above is actually available
to you, right now (OMG REALLY???? How many payments do I have to make? Are operators standing by??)

If that sounds at all like you, please get back to me, we'll trade
pics and some additional info, and let's make this perfect evening
happen...

So there you go! Yes, I am a deep romantic.

So, hopefully this sounds awesome to you and you are scrambling like
mad to find something nice to wear and jet down here asap! I need
friendship, affection, conversation, and love from someone like you
who is as smart as she is lovely, and I need it N O W!

Hopefully,

Crazy Dude

Needless to say, I did not respond. The next day, I awoke to this:

Just a quick note to say Hi and see what th f-ck happened (I love how he can invite me over to "make love" to me while barely knowing anything about me, yet can't bring himself to spell out the word fuck in his email). The
phenomenon of the disappearing CL friend is quite annoying. The is the
2nd time I have experienced it. NO, the third.

You know whats funny, is I have had SO much more luck meeting women on MySpace. I have no
less than three, no wait, four potential mates, all thanks to randomly
approaching young ladies on MySpace and declaring my admiration. I
really like one of them. I thnk it is going to get serious (I hope
so!). Not too shabby. I wonder why CL is so f-ed up in relative
comparision to MS? I mean, I went out with five different women I met
on CL. Of those five, one became my lover and friend. the rest were,
in a word, crazy. Really. I am afraid that the things 'they' say about
CL are true, and that's too bad.

No, what's too bad is you can't understand why the email you sent me would be a huge turn off and to attempt to get me to respond by detailing how things are going to get serious with some other chick you met on Myspace. Was that supposed to make me jealous? In any case, while I have been composing this blog entry, I have managed to meet 5, no 6 potential mates on Adult Friend Finder. I think it's going to get serious with one of them. Wish me luck!