Feb/085
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful
It's hard being ridiculously good looking. Just ask these two entitled broads who have somehow managed to get the attention of CNN complaining about how they were treated poorly on a Southwest Airlines flight to LA because according to them, they were just so damned hot and everyone was OMG SO JEALOUS. Among the gross injustices committed against them included the flight attendants making them WAIT for water (I'm sure they were parched).
Then, the girls continued their reign of Entitled Bitch-Dom when they got into a fight with a passenger over the use of the bathroom that was so bad that when they landed in LA, they had to be escorted out by cops. Yes girls, I'm sure the reason the cops were called to escort you is because of your liberal use of the tanning salon and not because you are both major assholes.
Feb/085
La Prohibida
My layout currently makes me want to stab myself in the eye. Thank God I have La Prohibida to make me feel better:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77XXxOFYvzk&rel=1]
Feb/085
I'm Rated X
I don't know what I was thinking but I decided to maybe sign up for Pay Per Post and see if I could make some money schlepping something but was REJECTED today for -get this- having "mature content". I wasn't convinced so I asked another website if I was indeed X-rated. And this is what it told me:
It's official: I'm a real live sex blogger! All of you kids looking for tips for virgins that end up here, please do not say I did not warn you.
Feb/086
Mind Over Matter
So, I went on a date last week. I have been holding out on you, I know but as Janet says, what have you done for me lately? This date by all accounts, should have gone well. This dude drew comics and was into graphic novels, and he said he liked gin and karaoke. All of these things pointed that we should have had a very successful date. Maybe one of many dates. Repeat business is something that I appreciate. So, I skipped out on a dinner party thrown at my home (housemate is awesome cook) and met up with this guy at a sexy little bar near my house.
The first sign that something wasn't right was when he casually mentioned that he didn't own an iPod because he didn't listen to that much music. Um, what? I have had my headphones attached to my body every single day since I was 12 years old. I listen to music I fall asleep, I listen to music to wake up, I make all major life decisions over a carefully selected soundtrack and if you are a dude and you have ever received a mix tape from me, you better believe I wanted to bone you in a major way. So music is kind of, sort of important to me.
But, whatever. I had another martini and soldiered on. This lack of musical interest reared its ugly head again when we switched venues to my preferred karaoke bar and as the entire bar sang along to some drunk girl butchering a Pat Benatar song, I looked over at him to share the magic and he had a completely blank expression on his face. As in, he had never heard this Pat Benatar song. He had never stood, heartache to heartache. No promises & no demands. Who was this person?
But still, one more martini and I continued. This date was like watching a mediocre movie. You laughed a few times, sometimes you cared, but mostly: you just want it to get better and rather than walk out, you stick with it.
It didn't get bad till the make-out started (are we heading onto full blown sex blog territory now? I guess so.) and as we like to say, I couldn't hang. No specifics, but when you end the night in a silent car ride through the city where previously you could not shut the fuck up, you know you're not even getting a courtesy "Let's just be friends" email the next day. Not that I would be sending one either; our disinterest became mutual and palpable.
And what can I say? My heart just wasn't in it. And what does my heart have to do with it? Well, everything. People who don't have casual sex think that it's all about getting off and going home and that nothing else matters and that there is this huge disconnect between your head and your groin and sometimes that's what it is, but sometimes, a lot of the times, that's not what it's about. I mean, for us cerebral, secretly huge romantic sluts, anyway.
And so..the great drought of my 26th year continues! I'm curious to see how much more embarrassment this year will bring me.
Feb/085
Rainy Day Linkage
I'm experimenting with a bunch of different Wordpress themes so if you come by and see things out of whack, that is just me trying out different things. The Buzzfeed link has me revved up and ready to go and DRIVE TRAFFIC, so I am doing some experimenting with StumbleUpon and trying to find blog directories. Does anyone actually use blog directories besides Technorati? I guess we will find out!
On the non boring/dork tip, here are some things:
My friend Meave linked to this blog on her Twitter and I've spent a lot of the past two days reading through her blog and comments. And I reacted the way you can imagine a boy crazy straight girl like me would react to a radical feminist lesbian blog. I think: what a bummer, dude. And then I click back to Jezebel, my safe feminist haven. And then I think: Am I a feminist? I've always thought I was one, but maybe I am not. Am I participating in my own oppression because I enjoy having sex with men and enjoy uncomfortable lingerie and going to strip clubs? And not just sex, I rather enjoy the company of dudes. I don't think all heterosexual sex is rape and I don't think every single man is a rapist. Someone answer me, please. I am having an identity crisis.
I am doing my laundry right now and using the Nancy Boy detergent and my laundry room (yes, I have a washer and dryer in San Francisco!!) smells like delightful lavender. You can forget how cheap your clothes are when you are bathing them in such luxurious scents. I also recommend Nancy Boy's tingly soap, for other reasons.
And finally, I know I am a few weeks behind on this one, but I finally did it. I finally watched Heidi Montag's video. And I'll never be the same again. Neither, I think will you:
Feb/080
Welcome Buzz Feed Readers!
Which one of you submitted my entry on the STD e-cards to buzzfeed? I am getting a nice chunk of traffic from there today which makes me happy. I have Buzzfeed on my Twitter and it's how I find out about lots of unusual things without having to do too much work (this is where I found the vegan strip club, by the way)but to my friends: please don't add it. I like feeling like I am "in the know".
Anyway, welcome! It makes me happy to know that my blog is finally being read by people other than people who know me and German/Iraqi/Chinese dudes looking for "sexboys" (perhaps I need to consider a different tag line).
Feb/082
More Ways to be Passive Aggressive
For more on this topic, also see: My Back Up Plan
Great. Just what the people of my generation need. Not only can we be passively involved in each other's lives via social networking and completely avoid direct communication by being able to send people to voicemail (is there anything more infuriating) and text messaging, now we can avoid telling people if we've possibly given them an STD with a new site called InSpot, a site that allows you to send someone an anonymous message telling them that you caught a little something and that they should go go get tested. They even link the person to local resources. So Yeah. You can tell someone you may have given them herpes. Or chlamdyia. Or gonorrhea. Or whatever. By an e-card. Extremely adult, right?
This site is of particular interest to me since the last communication I had with Married Dude (ie, the last person I swapped any kind of bodily fluids with. Is that TMI? Sorry.) was an email he sent to me from a dummy account fa-reaking the fuck out about me, dirty diseased wanton seductress that I am, potentially giving him HIV (I did not give him HIV since one would have to actually have HIV to be able to give it to someone else. I may have ruined Christmas, but I didn't give him HIV).
In other words, I Done Fucked Up and now I can barely look my wife in the face, aka Guilt Fest 2K7. I understood his genuine concern about STDs, but I felt that having to include me in it was just his guilt talking and wanting to find someone to blame. As in, he could have just gotten tested for STDs and then freaked out if anything came back positive, and then you know, blame me. Perhaps by using inspot to let me know?
So anyway, now this site exists and you can tell people that you have tested positive for STD via e-card and completely avoid any unpleasant conversation, which appears to be what everyone I know consistently aspires to.
I think this may replace someecards as my new e-card directory of choice. Guess what, friends!? Check your inboxes - you all have STDs now!
Feb/088
The tyranny of the "drinks" date
I'd like you to meet my new coach in life & love, Patti Stanger. I am unsure about what is happening to me, but I think my year of single dom is starting to wear on me because while watching my new trash tv addiction, The Millionaire Matchmaker, I find myself agreeing with a lot of what this insane bitch says. And After a date that ended pretty terribly a few days ago (no details please, suffice to say I will not be receiving emails from this gentleman any longer), I feel I need to institute a new rule for my dating life inspired by Patti. And that is: No more "drinks" dates. I don't know if this is a an online dating thing or a modern dude OMG I'M SO BUSY thing but I am sick of dates that are just drinks. And I refuse to go on them any longer.
Patti breaks it down like this: "coffee is cheap and drinks are an audition". My thoughts exactly. Besides, coffee dates are for meeting for a job interview or when you meet up with your friends who work downtown. And I understand that the point of a "drinks" date is just in case you have no chemistry, you can make an easy exit, but I think I am also done with impatient dudes who want to meet after exchanging two emails. But, as Patti also says, "It?s important to remember that even if your date is not your dream guy, you are gathering information and experience, called Dating Data, that you will use on future dates with someone more to your liking." (Text taken from Patti's rules!)
This is another thing that has happened in online dating: whereas previously I felt that guys were more willing to actually I don't know, learn a few things about you, now after a few emails in which you both agree that yes, you do enjoy Flight of the Chonchords and no, you don't have a corporate job, and they stalk you on Myspace to make sure you are not repulsive, dudes want to immediately jump to meeting. Like that night.
So from now on: dinner dates. Like in Patti's club, at 4 or 5 star restaurants only. So getting a burrito does not count. I believe this eliminates any person who would actually date me but it may be time for an overhaul of my "standards". If anyone knows any investment bankers who enjoy dates with dirty mouthed chubby ladies who would like to take me to any of the restaurants listed here, let me know.
Feb/082
Vegas, baby!
I'm in Vegas! Woo! Very, very brief because I'm actually having a life at this moment.
1) The Venetian is a nice hotel. The Wynn is nicer. I never thought I'd be able to say either of those things with any kind of authority, but now I can! The Venetian however, has free wi-fi and Bouchon and you all know how I feel about constant Internet access and constant access to French fries. I MUST HAVE THEM BOTH.
2) Las Vegas is an amazing place. There is so much wrong with it, but I love it. It's so fake and so ridiculous and so loud and it's just fantastic.
3)I'm a lucky person, living a charmed existence. Life is good!
Feb/082
Broads I Like: Lisa Edelstein
If you don't watch House
Anyway, back to Lisa. I googled her name because someone on Crazy Days & Nights brought her up as a potential blind item answer and mentioned that she was a "huge dyke". Naturally, my interest was piqued.
Imagine my sheer delight when I uncovered Lisa's fascinating past: she was a club kid in NYC who used to go by "Lisa E." and was so popular she was dubbed the "Queen of The Night" by superfag James St. James of Party Monster
Not only that, she used the notoriety she gained from being in the club scene to write a musical called "Positive Me" about the AIDS crisis that was happening in mid-1980s NYC. She's gone on to work in a ton of different roles, including an MTF tranny! And to top it off, she is vegan and rescues dogs!
I wasn't able to uncover any indication of her gayness, so I think the commenter was perhaps just sharing her fantasies out loud.
In any case, we love you, Dr. Cuddy! Perhaps I will catch you in the club some day! I am proud to call you a broad I like.