Apr/087
I Ain't Got Time For This!
Remnants of a pathetic dating life, the latest sad tale: I got a message on Myspace (yeah, I know) from a fellow expressing interest. I checked out his profile and he seemed like a new version of my ex-boyfriend, which is why I will now call him Joe 2.0. Except it's more like buggy Joe 1.2 BETA. He was similar to my ex but as I began to talk to him, I saw he was missing a few key components, namely charm of any kind and ability to hold a conversation without asking obvious questions (one of my biggest dating peeves, do not ask me what I like to do for fun, you insipid dumb ass!)
So, we started talking on IM and things were okay. It wasn't that terrible. He was a writer and I liked that. He didn't really seem to Get It (or you know, get me) but some people aren't good on the Internet/over IM. I'm not one to waste too much time with constant Internet communication when I online date (add me to your facebook list after we have sex, plz), so I suggested meeting. On the day that we were supposed to meet, I get an IM from him at 5AM (he sends this while I am asleep/idle) saying it's too soon and he can't do it. Okay, fine. That's fair.
A few days later, he suggests we meet again. I say okay, but he can pick the time & the place. He totally flakes, doesn't contact me and I sent him an email asking exactly what happened and he responds saying that he messaged me but I didn't respond and how he called me and I didn't call him back. Which is all utter bullshit as I'm on Instant Messenger on my Sidekick almost all of the time. Of course, genius doesn't think to send me a message on Myspace or you know, leave a voice mail or a text. And then he says that I was giving him "mixed messages".
Of course, I did not learn and kept talking to him. Working from home can get boring sometimes. What can I say?
And where are we today? He totally flaked on me again, on tentative plans to hang out during the day. I sent him a message on Myspace yesterday asking where to meet and I can see that he read the message but hasn't responded. I'm sure he'll respond tonight about how he tried to send me a message through some magical tubes and somehow I didn't get them.
Anyway, that'll teach me to respond to inquiries sent over Myspace. My next romantic relationship will be born on a more respectable social networking site, like Twitter (add me, please!)
Apr/083
Blind Leading the Blind
I haven't written here in a while. There are a few reasons: I hit a saturation point with media and had to step away from a while. And another reason, my business has been busy and I've been spending a lot of my internet time actually working, when not worrying about working. How do you go from total social time wasting slacker to power-driven one woman web shop? You find something you actually give a shit about. Working on websites makes sense because this is how I see the world, most of the time.
And finally, the last point - how to write a blog on relationships and sex when you have almost zero interest in either? As the brilliant Liz in LA states, I'm not into dating because I'm not built for dissapointment. And that's all I see dating as right now: complete and utter dissapointment. I realize that this attitude sets me up for failure, if you're not open to it, then it won't happen. If you immediately expect everyone to let you down, then they probably will. But, how to get out of that cycle?
What am I looking for anyway? I am not a Scary Sadshaw desperately looking for a husband to take me away to some suburb and my hot slut days are most defenitely behind me, at least not in the way that most people treat it, the way most people think that sex is either casual and heartless or has to be completely associated with "being in love". This is the reason most people can't do "friends with benefits", any indication you have any kind of feelings for the person completely fucks it up. And why -- why can't you love someone, have sex with them but not be constricted to the traditional version of a relationship?
And that's the next thing -- I worked very hard after my breakup to build my own life. I started dating my ex when I had only lived here for a year, was barely 22, and my entire social life revolved around my then best friend and her friends, who were all wonderful people, but still: not my people, they were hers. Dating was my only way to meet people outside the circle. And so, Joe became my anchor and my history. When it was over, I needed to build something new and I did. Sure, I spent the first half of 2007 in a drunken stupor, but I have come out of that with some solid friends and some good experiences.
The point is, I'm not the 21 year old girl who is willing to let anyone into my head, my pants or my heart again so easily. It's no longer about me fitting in with them, but them fitting in with me. I'm much more protective of my life now, because I have so much more to be protective of.
But still: I find myself missing being around you know, dudes. I miss the way they carry over 1,000 keys on their belt loops on their jeans. I miss asexual smelling soap. I miss covertly getting them into shit that is mostly straight girl and gay guy territory like Sex and The City or Project Runway. I miss hoodies under Dickies jackets and getting cigarettes lit for me. I miss concave boy hips and unmanicured nails and having a larger t-shirt collection from which to choose from.
There's a lot of things to miss. I just need to find someone who is worth letting in.