Jun/100
A Tribute To Akon
A few weeks ago, while under intense sleep deprivation and pressure to finish a creative writing final that was sucking out my will to live, I e-mailed my good friend Marco Sparks for assistance. While attempting to write this absolutely terrible screenplay (it was HORRIFIC), eventually the conversation turned to jams. And, then, this happened:
MD: Also, this weird akon song actually has this lyric: "i see the guys tryin to holla/cuz you're independent and you got my attention/can i be your baby father?"
Marco Sparks: Wow. Akon. Just wow. I love that the the woman is independent, which seemingly is what attracts Akon, that and the fact that she is the object of affection for other men as well, but how does he want to appreciate that independence? By saddling that woman with responsibilities.
MD: I mean, honestly, Akon. Let her stay indepedendent! She wants to dance with guys at the club!!!
Sparks: Never mind that wasn't Akon the guy who claimed to be a bigamist? Like, he's just going out recruiting for his harem all the time?
MD: I think so. In his song, "Troublemaker" he talks about how he just likes to enjoy watching models drink and that he's not the kind of guy who will just settle down. He says he won't call her because he's too busy making money. And that he needs to be with someone who can make him feel free. he also says that being with one girl will make the other girls come to him sooner, and that's the thing he is attracted to.
The funniest part of that song is that he says that the woman's father doesn't want her to date him because the father thinks Akon sells drugs. But in 'I want to fuck you' Akon says that his former pedigree is that he used to sell amphetamines. So the woman's father is actually right to be suspicious of Akon's career.
Frankly, I think Akon is more interested in suits and guns than in romance.
Sparks: And again, because I'm a guy with a out of control imagination at times, I just picture Akon's alarm clock going off one morning - he's waking up alone, mind you - and he hops in the shower, hums a little song, then shaves, brushes his teeth, gets dressed, etc. Then he picks out today's gun, cleans it, and goes and hits the grind. The daily grind. Which is grindin' of course.
A girl calls, asks, "Hey Akon, I want (whatever these guys assume a girl actually says that equates to dinner/booty calls/whatever)" and he's like, "What? No! I'm too busy making money!"
Blood diamonds don't buy themselves, you know what I'm saying?
MD: Too busy making paper! Daddy needs new cardigans!
And then Lil Wayne pops out of a cabinet, passed out on Robitussin.
Sparks: Okay, before I watch this, let's have some clarification: Spies in his operation. Like... they're spying on him? Or they're spying for him? And if they're spying for him, why are they on his yacht and not, I don't know, like out in the Middle East? Or in the White House? Or pretending to work for Tony Stark?
MD: They're spying for him. The video really leaves you with more questions than answers. if they're really working so hard, why did they decide to take a break to do a lip dub?
Sparks: I mean, and obviously I can't speak for all members of the intelligence community here, but at some point... you just need to relax. You need to unwind. People are living fake roles, snapping photos of blueprints with tiny little cameras, sticking microfilm up their asses and smuggling it into different countries, and sometimes you just need to get the fuck away from all of that. You need to be on a yacht and you need to be drinking champagne and singing along to bad songs. You're somewhere, I don't know, perhaps the French Riviera? You're just having a great time. You're literally living "I'm On A Boat," and you're praying to God that your yacht doesn't crash into the Kate Moss/Lily Allen yacht.
MD: Yeah, because there ain't no barf bags on this boat and we'd surely need it with those two. I can understand the need to relax. You work hard for your Swarozki crystals and what better way than to pantomime singing? There is clinically no activity that is more relaxing. But, it's in those times... that you need to be on your game. What if they find you ..and make you.. un-paid?
Sparks: Un-paid is not the goal, that's true. And it's really Akon's biggest fear. What if something happens to him someday, some unforeseeable accident, something terrible out of the mists of fate and all of a sudden he can't provide for himself? WHAT IF HE COULDN'T BE STACKING UP ALL THAT PAPER?!?
But you can't worry about that. Not now. Just keep dancing on a boat and drinking champagne and singing along to songs and throwing up over the side. It's just the ocean. Fuck it.
MD: This is where the independent woman referred to in "Troublemaker" comes in.. She can provide for him, which is why he wants to be her baby's father. See, Akon, is tired. All this dealing and rapping is exhausting. He just needs some me time! Maybe a day at the spa? He had to miss out on the recent Young Money trip to the outlet mall. They even went to Outback Steakhouse for dinner!
Sparks: And if there's one thing Akon hates, it's going to Outback by himself. He orders a drink and he tries to hold back the tears. "I want my baby back," he whispers to himself softly. "I want my baby back... ribs!" And his wail of loss and sadness is inhuman.
Jul/092
Put on Duran Duran & U2
Today, I'm thinking about mixes and compilations of music. I very rarely make them these days, except for people I actually like. Considering the amount of mixes I've made, I've received very few in return.
Here's one I made for a boy in 2002:
1. the rapture -- out of the races and onto the tracks
2. the vaselines -- you think you're a man
3. the magnetic fields -- take ecstasy with me
4. ben lee -- cigarretes will kill you
5. the dismemberment plan -- the ice of boston
6. quasi -- california
7. rufus wainwright -- greek song
8. elliot smith -- picture of me
9. built to spill -- fling
10. jeff buckley -- i want someone badly
11. james -- laid
12. the get up kids -- beer for breakfast
13. pavement -- cut your hair
14. spoon -- i didn't come here to die
15. the pixies -- where is my mind?
16. mazzy star -- fade into you
17. velvet underground -- pale blue eyes
for AA
April 9, 2002
here's one i made for no apparent reason, probably around the same time:
this summer, i want to read foacualt
don't change your plans -- ben folds five
nashville -- liz phair
viva anger, viva hate -- rainer maria
valency -- the spinanes
bang and blame -- rem
rasberry rush -- the promise ring
a dozen roses -- braid
80 windows -- nada surf
the company dime -- the get up kids
that joke isn't funny anymore -- the smiths
seal my fate -- belly
pictures in an exhbition -- death cab for cutie
easy mark -- nerf herder
canadian girlfriend -- the dakota smith
what's your take on cassavetes? -- le tigre
lovesong -- the cure
get the time -- the descendents
monkey -- counting crows
terrible/perfect -- built to spill
and here's one that i said was for the "uptown girl" but god knows if i remember who the hell "uptown girl" was:
tape that was SUPPOSED to be
for the uptown girl -
Side A :
cruel : tori amos
medieval people : helium
kiss off : violent femmes
i think i'm paranoid : garbage
how can i sing like a girl? : they might be giants
superman : glitterbox
wake me up before you go : wham!
one of these days: op ivy
Side B :
(ben folds five messiah megamix)
don't change your plans
your redneck past
regrets
fair
kate
hospital song
army
lullaby
Nov/081
still there's something in you that i believe in
One of my favorite records, if we can even call it that, is Third Eye Blind's, self titled debut. I told a friend that I was obsessed with this record my senior year of high school, where I would listen to in between bouts of listening to The Cure & Garbage (& later on, a slew of pop music that literally saved my life), and she was shocked to know I listened to the whole thing. I'm listening to it tonight when I'm feeling strange and emo and alone, much like I did in high school.
3EB isn't ..."good" music; it's not the kind of thing we write essays about. It's pure high school overly emotional melodramatic romanticised pure rock music, with lyrics that make sense, are just deep enough to make you want to scrawl them all over your notebook, or if you were me, you would use those lyrics as filler for your online journal (you would write a paragraph of your actual entry and then some song lyrics and then another paragraph of your entry). It's simple; music you can sing along to, the best kind of pop music.
For a long time, I would go past the first two songs and straight that ode to crystal meth Semi-Charmed Life, which was the single and the third song on the record. When I finally discovered the first two songs, "Losing A Whole Year" and "Narcolepsy", I made up for lost time by quickly playing those out.
[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBGmc3bmgaY]
The other big hit off 3EB was How's It Going To Be?, which is so over the top sappy I refused to listen to it, especially since they used it in an ending montage for the Real World Boston, a cast I connected with very strongly, especially the chat room addicted Genesis and the fiery redhead (or whore) Montana. There was also equally emotionally manipulative Jumper, which we won't even go into.
I liked the heavier, sexier, not as radio friendly songs such as this one, "Good For You", which has the following amazing high school girl lyrics:
Cause all I want to do is be there
For the things that you're going through
Well, is it good for you, is it good for you
Cause you haunt my nights when
I don't know where my life should go
Well, is it good for you, is it good for you
Hey child please stay a while
My smile will not mislead you
Cause I've been without, I go wild with doubt
I grab at you, I can't stop grabbing at you
[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9w3AtSeY1Hc]
However, ever the consummate romantic lovesick girl (I had some particularly painful crushes, plus one real honest to goodness ICQ affair) and I think if I had to pick one song that really defined that moment in time for me, where I spent most of my time on subways with a discman on, it would be this song, I Want You, which asks us if we want to know how deep Stephen Jenkin's soul goes. The answer? Deeper than Bones.
[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/v/6C8buGnZDvU&hl]
And of course, the end to the tragic love affair going on in my head, there is Motorcyle Drive By, which tells us "I could never have you/I knew that before you did/but I'm the one who's stupid/". It's like a 17 year girl wrote them herself.
[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/v/lXRLEyIoJZA&hl]
Third Eye Blind never really got that good again, ever. I was excited to get their follow up, Blue, but I listened to it once and then never heard it again. These songs however are oddly a part of me. I can slip right back into them and still know every word. They are all still my jams.