Oct/076
We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes off To Have a Good Time
Walk of Shame Hall of Fame:
A. While I was walking down Franklin Street, in the patent walk of shame haze with my er, uh, friend and the unthinkable happened: someone I knew saw me. No, not an ex-boyfriend, but rather a casual acquaintance who was dressed to go to work and was walking down the street going to work, as opposed to me, who was walking to ..Walgreen's. For Vitamin Water. Clearly not dressed to go to anywhere except maybe a pajama party. At 7 in the morning. That was awesome.
B. In 2003, back when I felt love was real and not merely a urge to make sure we reproduced (don't you want to date me now?), I boarded an N-Judah at around 8 in the morning in one of my retarded Hot Topic hooker outfits I used to wear (I'm bringing that look back, by the way, I'm tired of dressing like a guy with enormous boobs) and was wearing a red pencil skirt, giant platform shoes and . I'm not sure what I had on the top, but I'm sure it included way more than you ever wanted to see/know. I'm sure the other passengers were curious as to exactly what office I was headed to, what my role was, and how they could work there, too.
C. Waking up after consuming 8,000 calories worth of wine and deciding that Diet Coke was indeed food in a bed that was decidedly not my own, I wake up horrifically uncomfortable and hungover and decide, for the sake of making it home without ripping off my lower extremities, that I must commit one of my most hated fashion transgressions: I wore JEANS UNDERNEATH A DRESS. Boot leg cut jeans over a knee length A-line dress. OMG THE HORROR. I rolled on out of there and prayed that no one would see me. No one did, except for the old Asian man who gave me and my messy hair a dirty look while I was waiting for a bus. Fuck you, old man. I am a modern woman and I will do what i want. Although I agree that jeans underneath a dress was not a good decision on my part. Unfortunately, I never know when I'll be in this situation.
D. Oh yeah, there was that one where I was walking to work, stopped and got this terrible cup of coffee and came to the realization that everything I knew in my life was about to crumble before my eyes. THAT ONE WAS BY FAR, THE BEST.
What are yours? Don't pretend like all the sex you've had has been in the sanctity of a monogamous relationship, please. I know all you sluts better than that.