Feb/086
Mind Over Matter
So, I went on a date last week. I have been holding out on you, I know but as Janet says, what have you done for me lately? This date by all accounts, should have gone well. This dude drew comics and was into graphic novels, and he said he liked gin and karaoke. All of these things pointed that we should have had a very successful date. Maybe one of many dates. Repeat business is something that I appreciate. So, I skipped out on a dinner party thrown at my home (housemate is awesome cook) and met up with this guy at a sexy little bar near my house.
The first sign that something wasn't right was when he casually mentioned that he didn't own an iPod because he didn't listen to that much music. Um, what? I have had my headphones attached to my body every single day since I was 12 years old. I listen to music I fall asleep, I listen to music to wake up, I make all major life decisions over a carefully selected soundtrack and if you are a dude and you have ever received a mix tape from me, you better believe I wanted to bone you in a major way. So music is kind of, sort of important to me.
But, whatever. I had another martini and soldiered on. This lack of musical interest reared its ugly head again when we switched venues to my preferred karaoke bar and as the entire bar sang along to some drunk girl butchering a Pat Benatar song, I looked over at him to share the magic and he had a completely blank expression on his face. As in, he had never heard this Pat Benatar song. He had never stood, heartache to heartache. No promises & no demands. Who was this person?
But still, one more martini and I continued. This date was like watching a mediocre movie. You laughed a few times, sometimes you cared, but mostly: you just want it to get better and rather than walk out, you stick with it.
It didn't get bad till the make-out started (are we heading onto full blown sex blog territory now? I guess so.) and as we like to say, I couldn't hang. No specifics, but when you end the night in a silent car ride through the city where previously you could not shut the fuck up, you know you're not even getting a courtesy "Let's just be friends" email the next day. Not that I would be sending one either; our disinterest became mutual and palpable.
And what can I say? My heart just wasn't in it. And what does my heart have to do with it? Well, everything. People who don't have casual sex think that it's all about getting off and going home and that nothing else matters and that there is this huge disconnect between your head and your groin and sometimes that's what it is, but sometimes, a lot of the times, that's not what it's about. I mean, for us cerebral, secretly huge romantic sluts, anyway.
And so..the great drought of my 26th year continues! I'm curious to see how much more embarrassment this year will bring me.
Feb/082
More Ways to be Passive Aggressive
For more on this topic, also see: My Back Up Plan
Great. Just what the people of my generation need. Not only can we be passively involved in each other's lives via social networking and completely avoid direct communication by being able to send people to voicemail (is there anything more infuriating) and text messaging, now we can avoid telling people if we've possibly given them an STD with a new site called InSpot, a site that allows you to send someone an anonymous message telling them that you caught a little something and that they should go go get tested. They even link the person to local resources. So Yeah. You can tell someone you may have given them herpes. Or chlamdyia. Or gonorrhea. Or whatever. By an e-card. Extremely adult, right?
This site is of particular interest to me since the last communication I had with Married Dude (ie, the last person I swapped any kind of bodily fluids with. Is that TMI? Sorry.) was an email he sent to me from a dummy account fa-reaking the fuck out about me, dirty diseased wanton seductress that I am, potentially giving him HIV (I did not give him HIV since one would have to actually have HIV to be able to give it to someone else. I may have ruined Christmas, but I didn't give him HIV).
In other words, I Done Fucked Up and now I can barely look my wife in the face, aka Guilt Fest 2K7. I understood his genuine concern about STDs, but I felt that having to include me in it was just his guilt talking and wanting to find someone to blame. As in, he could have just gotten tested for STDs and then freaked out if anything came back positive, and then you know, blame me. Perhaps by using inspot to let me know?
So anyway, now this site exists and you can tell people that you have tested positive for STD via e-card and completely avoid any unpleasant conversation, which appears to be what everyone I know consistently aspires to.
I think this may replace someecards as my new e-card directory of choice. Guess what, friends!? Check your inboxes - you all have STDs now!
Jan/082
I don't sleep, I dream.
Being awake at 5:35am, despite what you may think, is NOT fun, especially if you aren't engaging in any of the following:
1) Doing it. And even then, at 5:30, you are most likely thinking to yourself: WHEN WILL THIS TORTURE END? I JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP BUT I DON'T WANT HIM TO THINK I DON'T WANT TO DO IT EVER SO I WILL JUST PRETEND TO BE AWAKE NOW, SURELY HE WILL BE DONE SOON? WHY DID I WAKE UP?
2) Drinking at some 24 hour establishment. And even then, you are likely thinking: How can I puke without anyone noticing? How can I pretend to drink this shot this weird dude who won't leave just bought me? Maybe If I go to the bathroom and doze off for a few minutes I can continue to party? Did I really just pay 5 dollars for this cup of dirty water?
3) Eating at some 24 hour establishment. Again though.. this is what goes through my mind: why did I order every single type of fried appetizer? How can I have drank this entire pot of coffee and still want to pass out in this booth? Oh no, my friend is telling me some extremely painful memory from their past and I can barely understand them because all I can think of is BED BED BED and not how hurt they were when their 7th grade boyfriend started going out with someone else and never told them and now they have always had trust issues and OMG WHEN ARE WE GOING TO GET HOME SO I CAN SLEEP?
So in conclusion, 5:35am, awake and not asleep: sucks. Off to bed I go with my Ipod and a Law & Order to make me sleep. Please, Bobby Goren: you're my only hope.